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For reasons I can’t quite put a finger on, I’m stressed out and going all freaky.

My moods have been all the fuck over the place today. I started out the day in a deliriously, obnoxiously happy mood, and have been sinking as the day wore on. Made an asshole out of myself in an online discussion group earlier this evening. Feel rather despondent and desperate about everything now. Bleh.

I’ve got a metric shit-ton of work to do at my job tomorrow and for the next howsoever long, and I’m behind and buried. It is technically very easy and simple work, it is a matter of volume which is troubling me.

Thanks to stress, as well as to short sleep, I’ve been all disoriented and twitchy and kinda paranoid. I had a LOVELY flashback to a nasty, stressful situation I’d experienced about 5 years ago. That occasion was the last nail in the lid of the coffin for my theatrical costuming experience. I’d been involved with the Lords of Misrule at University of York since I’d gotten there the previous autumn, doing costuming (big surprise, right?). Mostly, we did dramatic interpretations of late medieval literature, but for a change of pace, it was determined that we’d do “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” as the summertime piece, and debut it at summer solstice, because that’s what you do. I was really excited about this play. Midsummer is just a fun, fun, fun piece to put on, and one of the girls who was planning to act had a big box of very pretty Ren-Faire dresses to augment our own stock of stuff, plus I had set to drawing and coming up with ideas for new stuff for the fairies and so on. Well. Due to my vast excitement, and the rolling thunder of my brainstorms, I failed to realize that the girl who was directing this extravaganza didn’t like my costuming ideas and felt that I was trying to wrest character control from her lily white hands. During the third rehearsal, when I was unloading some likely-looking props from the attic where all that shit was stored, she caught me, and literally backed me into a corner, accusing me of trying to take over, of telling people I was running the show, and of generally overstepping my duties. She tore me a new one in front of almost the entire cast, and any time I tried to interject to explain or try to sooth the waters, she turned it back on me even further, so that I looked like even more of a Judas. In the end, I was forced into apologising profusely for my overzealous excitement and creating the appearance that I was trying to take over, and she kissed my ass mightily because, as it turned out, she did need some stuff sewed and she couldn’t lay down a single stitch, let alone make several entire dresses.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling like I have done something terribly presumptuous without even knowing I’d done so, and just waiting, waiting, waiting for the hammer to drop, the ass-chewing to commence, the humiliation to come dripping down over my head.

In short, I’m not a happy puppy at the moment. I have too many irons in the fire, and not enough coal to keep them all hot.

1. I’m trying desperately to get OUT of the sewing business…at least to get rid of my current crop of jobs. I had a very informal offer of a sewing gig that sounds like something I actually might want to do, but it is going to be a LOT of work. I’m going to need to re-activate my business license, my wholesale account, and do some other material sourcing. I don’t really have the money to lay in the supplies I need to do this project right, so I am not sure where this will end up going.

2. Work is overwhelming. The job itself should be just sleeper-easy, but I’ve got SO much stuff to handle that when I get one area of my duties caught up, all the other things I must do get behind.

3. House is practically falling apart around me, despite my best efforts. Need to change out the kitchen light switch, and hope that cures the current problem of flipping said switch and nothing happening (yes, I have checked the overhead bulb!) Cold water tap in bathroom sink is fucked and I need to buy more tools before I can fix it. Air-conditioner apparently didn’t survive the winter.

4. Speaking of the air-conditioner, if it’s not fixable or if the repairs are very expensive, that will definitely answer the “should I get a new bike” question quite firmly on the side of “no the fuck way, you stupid twit; do you want your brains, your husband’s brains, and the cats’ brains to puff up and fry inside your heads like so much Scrapple?”

5. Really, Michelle, get your ass outside and weed the tomatoes, before it gets to where you can’t even find the tomatoes anymore.

6. And while you’re at it, you really ought to mow.

7. And good grief, how long are you going to just fish clean clothes out of that gigantic heap on top of the dryer?

8. Maybe when you run out of clean clothes and you have to dump the heap in front of the washer into the washer and do something about it.

9. House is a barren wasteland of cat-hair tumbleweeds again, with clutter threatening, bloblike, to expand through every available space.

10. Tuesday is my only free night this week.

11. Throwing a party on Saturday, which will be fun, but for which I really need to take care of items 3, 6, and 8 especially, plus finish laying in supplies.

You know, a lot of my stressors are actually pretty positive things, it’s just a LOT of stuff to deal with all at once.

Also, I’m worried that I could get in trouble at work for if my interview ends up showing up on TV. Even though I don’t give my whole name or say anything about where I work or what I do for a living or really anything much outside of why I took that dance class, it just now occurs to me that it wasn’t probably the Best Idea Ever to go on TV and talk about taking my clothes off when I am looking for a different job (one, preferably, which will not involve taking my clothes off. Ain’t no one needs to see what I’ve got).

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