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Braaaaain Duuuuuump

1. I don’t own any decent belts, and today I strongly considered leaving my chain-and-lock around my waist in order to keep my pants from shifting around. I bring my bike into the office and put it in the supply room across from where I sit, so I wouldn’t need the lock anyway until my lunch break, and I could stand having baggy, saggy pants for the 10 minutes it would take at the post office anyhow.

2. When I went away to college, I got myself a tiny little coffee maker which will make just enough coffee to fill up one of those medium-sized travel mugs. My routine, on days when I had 8:00 a.m. classes was to get up at 7:00 a.m. dress, turn on the TV to watch Animaniacs, heat some milk in the nuker, pitch a handful of granola into the milk, while that was cooling, fire up the little coffeepot, then eat my cereal and watch cartoons while my coffee brewed. At about 7:45, I’d pour my coffee into a travel mug, load up my books, turn off the telly, and head for class. After Todd and I moved in together, his aunt and uncle gave us a really kickass Krups coffeemaker for Christmas (which is still going strong, whoot!), so I packed up the little 4-cup coffeemaker. It’s been sitting in a box in a closet wherever we’ve lived for these 8 years, but I got fed up with the “coffee club” at work, so I got all independent and shit and packed the little coffeemaker into my backpack and brought it to work, where I keep it secreted under my desk and make myself a travel-mug of coffee every afternoon around 1:00. It really helps me get through the dark hours of the afternoon when I am tempted to crawl behind the photocopier and help myself to a siesta.

3. I miss the Animaniacs. And Beavis & Butthead. And the Gargoyles. I stopped watching cartoons when I was about 11, then started watching cartoons again in college, with great enthusiasm. I’d have watched Beavis and Butthead in highschool, but we didn’t have cable, thus no MTV, thus no regular doses of B&B. I totally like Beavis and Butthead better than South Park. Except for that one South Park where Martha Stewart stuck a turkey up her butt. And Mecha-Striesand. And the UncleFucker song. Good grief. That song. Now it’s stuck in my head.

4. When I heard that “Preston” was part of Brittny Spears’s baby’s name, the first thing that came to my head was. “‘I’m Bill S. Preston, esquire’ ‘And I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan'”

5. Is it Brittney, or Britney? Or something totally else? Why can’t she just be Brittany, so people can spell her name right? Also, why do I care?

6. I’m a total pizza-hound and I say “dude” way more than is fitting and proper. Unfortunately, I lack Ninja skills, a protective green carapace, or a primary-colored bandana, not to mention I’m too old to be a Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle. I’m just a dorky woman who likes pizza and says “dude” at inopportune moments.

7. Dude, I shouldn’t have worn a sports-bra today—I look totally flat-chested. Speaking of which, I pretty much am flat-chested. This, however, is not a source of distress, as it suits my purposes marvelously. A lack of significant boobage means that there’s much less to get in the way of my backpack strap.

A very frank brassiere advert from the 1950s. Cut to the chase—you can order small, medium, or large!

The ads are much funnier individually. And unfortunately, I was unable to find one for the medium-size figure. Imagine what life would be like if Victoria’s Secret were that frank and effusive about their products.

9. Speaking of lingerie, there are two local underpants companies worth your perusal because…local underpants. Which, incidentally, would be a marvelous name for a rock band. “Coming to Judy’s Bar and Lounge, Local Underpants featuring Tillie and Little Jim Long, cover $5 at the door.” Anyway, underpants. Check out Birdie’s and Scientific Panties and Ideal Garment. Peregrine at Birdie’s and Susan at Scientific are pretty damn awesome women, so check out their work, okay?

10. I love when I luck out in the timing and scheduling departments. For example, Acme Bicycle Company will be running a swapmeet and AlleyKat race at the end of October. My friends Rob & Joel will be moving house at the end of October, too. Originally, the AlleyKat was meant to be on the last Saturday of the month and the swapmeet was going to be on Sunday, but Sarah and Christy decided that it would work better to have both on the same day. Rob & Joel are moving on Saturday. Therefore, I will be able to both help the lads move on Saturday, then go rampage around downtown with a bunch of other bike nuts on Sunday. Likely as not both occasions will involve pizza, too.

11. anyone lived in a pretty how town/(with up so many floating bells down)

12. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may/Old Time is still a flying

13. Had we but world enough and time/This coyness lady, were no crime

14. Call the roller of big cigars/The muscular one, and bid him whip/In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.

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