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So. Annoying.

This cat is a professional getter of my goat. I swear to you all that for the past 7 years, she has been pushing my buttons daily, multiple times a day. If ever two beings could be less in synch, the only recourse would be all out war. This cat! Where even to begin?

Maybe with the fact that she wakes me up every night, usually about three times a night, by scraping and scratching at the bottom of the bedroom door, and possibly by letting out this horrible creaky meow/yowl. She is not allowed in the bedroom, firstly because she really affects my allergies, and secondly because she won’t be still, and will trample all over the bed, get on the dresser and night-table and knock things over, and then scrabble at the door from the inside to get back out.

Another facet of her charming personality is that she knocks stuff over deliberately. She also shreds furniture, eats houseplants, and disdains her scratching pole and any authorized cat toys. She hisses and fusses at Griswald & Ruby.

When she deigns to be friendly, she mostly gets on your lap and rams you with her head, effectively dislodging any book/coffee-cup/work you may have been holding. Then, she prances up and down with her claws semi-extended and drools copiously, whilst shedding like a maniac. Once she’s worked me up into a good asthmatic wheeze, she departs, usually to get on the counter or go barf somewhere. As yet she hasn’t gone and barfed on the counter, but I’m sure that day will someday come.

For most of her obnoxious personality, I have found no cure nor mitigation, but I have a solution that’s gonna fix her bugging me all night, every night. I’m trading Ruby’s kennel off to James since his dog Nieve likes to sleep in it, and getting Nieve’s old wire crate which will be installed under the worktable in the kitchen. When it’s bedtime for us humans, Miss Irritating Minnie Cat will go to bed in the crate. I’ll put a mat in there for her so she’ll have a nice place to lounge, but she will not have free run of the house at night anymore. I have put up with her bullshit for too many years and really want regular nights of uninterrupted sleep for a change! It will be better than trying to contain her in the bathroom (she always escapes when one of us inevitably has to pee in the middle of the night, plus she tends to scratch up and mar the door). She can’t break, scratch, or disturb anything from the crate. It won’t hurt her a bit, and will give the rest of us a much-wanted break.

As to her other destructive tendencies, I am getting Soft Paws glued on to her claws when I re-cover the furniture, and I am hoping that impending old age will soon keep her off the counters, shelves, and dressers. She’s around 8 years old, so I can only hope that she will start slowing down sooner rather than later.

4 Responses to “So. Annoying.”

  1. jagosaurus says:

    Wow. Figaro has a much milder version of these behaviors so I can imagine how annoyed you are. The crate sounds like a good idea. Hope it works.

  2. kismet says:

    As the owner of two drooling, constantly barfing (right now I hear horking from Gremmy’s general direction), never-sit-still, want attention but can’t snuggle, hostile-to-other-cats, hissing, growling female cats (15 and 16 years old respectively), I feel ya.

    Right now on Petfinder there is a gorgeous five year old male cat called “Big White” whose family moved and had to leave him behind. I could give little buddy a home (and my sweet big male cats a friend) if it weren’t for the two crazy girls. Mina, especially, I fantasize about taking to the shelter and saying “the neighbors abandoned this cat and I can’t keep her because she’s weird”. It’s true, it just happened 14 years ago.

  3. David says:

    Two words……


    Problem solved.

  4. meetzorp says:

    David, I’m gonna assume you’re being facetious, because I don’t roll that way. I feel a sense of responsibility and obligation to this animal, since I took her in in the first place.

    Kismet – that’s kind of the story of Minnie. She landed in the shelter because she was an asspain. My ex totally fell in love with her…though obviously not enough so to take her with when we split up! Actually, his roommates told him under no circumstances would they live with her. Niiiice.

    Jagosaurus – the crate worked a treat. It’s going to be the new bedtime ritual.

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