Feed on

An adaptation of one of the golden lines from one of my favorite dumb movies, Zack & Miri Make A Porno.

I got to thinking this the other day when, in the midst of a call, one of my customers hacked a big, throaty loogie while conducting business with me.

Because I am the consummate professional, I simply ignored it, went on with the call, and after she hung up, I had an absolute duck fit.

The loogie was pretty much the absolute limit. I mean!

It’s bad enough when people eat while on the phone. Especially if it is potato chips with lots of crunching, or an apple with crunching, plus slurping. Or people who just talk with their mouths full. It’s disgusting and every time, I want to break from my professional persona and just start screaming, “PUT DOWN YOUR FUCKING SNACK, SWALLOW WHAT YOU HAVE, AND TALK TO ME WITH A CLEAR MOUTH YOU DISGUSTING GODDAMN SWINE!!!!!”

Of course, I never do that. I keep all trace of annoyance out of my voice, act like they aren’t grossing me out of my own hide, and try to hustle them through their business as expediently as possible. Because, by golly, I am a professional under pressure.

Even if all I am is a professional phone monkey.

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