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Rude, crude, and lewd

Noted in second floor toilets: One can of extremely stinky bargain-bin air-freshener spray. When I entered the loo, the previous occupant had been abusing the aerosol in order to cover the evidence of their recent poo. “Daylight Fresh” (or whatever it was) bargain bin bathroom deodorizer over the ass-stank, created a synthetic/biological cloud of poison gas that Rumsfeld would bottle and send to Iraq if he knew about it.

Because my brain works in bizarre tangents, the thought of bathroom deodorizer made me think of those ludicrous “feminine deodorants”–those coochie-fresh “feminine hygiene sprays” so delicately advertised in the lower forms of “women’s magazines,” with coy names like “Summer’s Dew” and pictures of soft focus women in diaphanous dresses tending vague, misty flower gardens. I think it would be great to take out a parody ad sometime, featuring the bastard union of a tampon and one of those little pine-tree car-fresheners (also stinky as all hell). This mental image, on top of “onanism” and “priapism” makes me officially a 24-hour, 7-day sick fucker.

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