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o·nan·ism (oh nuh -nih zih m)
1. Masturbation.
2. Coitus interruptus.

[After Onan, son of Judah (Genesis 38:9).]

Dunno if you ever get a word stuck in your head, but I do, frequently. Last night, for positively no good reason, “onanistic” came from the forefront of my subconsciousness, and there it has bobbed and drifted ever since. An erudite synonym for jerking off is intruding into my thoughts every few minutes. There’s an undocumented statistic about people thinking of sex every few minutes, but this is ridiculous. Moreover, “onanistic” wants to subliminate my sentence structure, so I keep thinking of ways one could use “onanistic” or “onanism” in conversation. Obviously these are conversations I should definitely not have at work. Maybe if I go all blank and meditative “priapism” will thrust its way into the void of my thoughts, and a mental circle-jerk will ensue.

There is something wrong with my brains, I know there has got to be.

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