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And so long as weird hippie girls are allowed to spout crackheaded theories at me in health food stores, I am allowed to make fun of them on the Internet.

The scene: Wild Oats Market, 44th & Main, near the display rack of “natural,” “health-enhancing” toothpastes.

The cast: Two middle-aged ladies, one weird hippie girl, me.

The opening: hippie girl is assisting the ladies in choosing toothpaste from a bewildering array of products, I approach to make my selection and get on with my shopping.

Hippie: Oh, excuse me!

Me: It’s okay, I know what I’m after (reaching for Tom’s of Main Cinnamint)

Hippie: What are you getting?

Me: Tom’s of Main, Cinnamint, with Flouride

Hippie: I was just explaining to these ladies why I don’t use flouride.

Me: Ah. (subtext: “please don’t tell me more”)
(further thoughts: “This could go one of three ways, cancer, Communists, or Nazis”)

Hippie: It was used for mind-control in Nazi Germany.

Me: Hmmmm. Well, I use flouride anyway.
(takes toothpaste, meanders on toward the cooler of tofu)

Hippie(deflated tone): Oh!

One Response to “Freedom of Speech is Reciprocal”

  1. […] got kind of a history of weird toothpaste-related issues with the Wild Oats (now Whole Foods) down on 44th & Main. […]

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