I had a really gross dream last night, that I was at the grocery store and I found a display of these little shrink-wrapped loaves of a product called “artificial bacon”.
I was intrigued and horrified, and went to the library and scoured several months of food and cooking magazines and learned that Bacon Substitute was made of recycled bacon grease and soy protein, and it was the leading cause of cooking fires in the nation.
Then, one of my friends and I decided to undertake a bicycle road-trip to find the man who invented Bacon Substitute and lambast him for making something so disgusting. She'd just created a really cool chopper bike decorated with cut up gears. That was totally tangential to the bacon story, other than she was just finishing up the bike when I went to meet her and ride off to cuss out a guy who invented Artifical Bacon.