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Some friends of mine in grad school invented a fictitious Scandinavian death-metal band called Smorgasbord because they were bored and silly. Is there any better reason to invent a fictitious band than boredom and silliness?

Today on the ride, Christi, Melissa, Randall, and I got on the topic of fictitious bands and invented one for ourselves. Bear with me, because this is going to be convoluted and very silly.

A few weeks ago, on the Saturday ride, we found a bunch of large letters from some sort of wall sign. They were about two and a half feet tall and green, and we (we being Melissa, Christi, Andy, Olivia, and me) started playing Gigantic Scrabble with them. Ultimately, our best word combination spelled out “GROIN PIE SLUTS.” Every bit as good as Toaster Strudel Bitches.

Today was one of those days when every weird, random phrase sounded like it could be a band name or a song title:

The Lilacs
Dead Grackle
Artificial Possum

We settled on “Groin Pie Sluts” as our fictitioius band name, then snippets of conversation began to fill our fictitious playlist:

She Can Do It In Her Waders
There’s Something Furry In My Pocket
Groin Pie Manifesto

We figured on being a fictitious punk band, but not the yelling-and-guitars kind of punk band. More like the unconventional instruments, noise, and spoken-word kind of punk band. Christi offered to play her spectacularly squeaky brakes, and I’m all over the idea of playing a jug. Melissa was talking kazoo, and I think Randall, who could eke a triple out of a double entendre, would be our wordsmith. With a name like the Groin Pie Sluts, highly suggestive lyrics would be pretty much mandatory.

Christi noted that our debut song should be the Manifesto, since the chance would be that we’d have everyone’s attention, so we’d best make good on it.

What the credo of Groin Pie Sluts might be is quite another question. Humm, humm…it’s certainly something to contemplate on a quiet evening with my feet up and a cat on my lap.

Oh, and besides riding our bikes, talking foolishness, and inventing fictitious punk rock groups, we did a little dumpstering. My scores of the day are as follows:

One pink-haired troll/Bratz-type doll. A pink Strawberry Shortcake mini-backpack/purse. A cowgirl-print reusable shopping bag, and a children’s straw cowboy hat:

I had the yellow haired doll already…she, I found on the side of the street a couple of years ago.

Strawberry shortcake backpack purse found in a dumpster.

I always did like Strawberry.

kids cowboyhat from the dumpster
I know I look like a DB, but here’s the cowboy hat.

I didn’t take a picture of the shopping bag, but that’s okay…it’s not that cute, but it is good and sturdy and FREE. I’ve got a good selection of re-useable shopping bags now, and most of them I have either found on the side of the road or in a dumpster. (Don’t worry, they all get washed before being put into use!)

One Response to “Name your fictitious punk-rock band”

  1. Nilky says:

    You are a crazy person, and I’m proud to have you as a fellow Kansan… even if you might not be….

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