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If you’re a fan of Zippy the Pinhead, you probably know that Zippy sometimes gets obsessed with an interesting word or turn of phrase and will get “stuck” repeating it like a mantra.

If you’ve hung around me or my website for very long, you know that this is a commonality I share with Zippy. I seem to remember that Mimi Smartypants also shares this proclivity to adopt ad hoc mantras based upon unusual words or phrases.

Anyway, the phrase that I am currently fighting myself to suppress the urge to exclaim repeatedly, and publicly, is “hairy-handed sex pest.”

After having constructed this phrase in an internet comment thread while recommending a blog (more on this in a moment), this phrase has now taken on a life of its own, and it really, really wants to roam free. Sadly, there are far too few occasions upon which it is appropriate to utter the words “hairy” “handed” “sex” and “pest” in conjunction with each other.


So on to why I needed to bring the phrase “hairy-handed sex pest” into the world…

I’m an avid reader and fairly frequent commenter on the FANTASTIC website XO, Jane, which is basically Sassy Magazine, all grown up and on the Internet. The article in which the H-HSP was brought forth was a semi-innocent story about a young woman who was suffering insomnia, so in an attempt to kill some time (and get inspiration for a beauty products article) she started “trolling” a chatbot. The chatbot, in turn, kept trying very hard to lure this author into a dirty website. The results, predictably, were deliciously silly. Being as my brain is hard-wired to draw comparisons, I was immediately reminded of Antonia of Whoopee (Yet Another Blooming Blog)’s story about trolling naughty chatrooms with fictitious characters who suffered debilitating physical maladies, were compelled to sell home appliances, or otherwise carried on in a distinctively and determinedly non-sexy fashion.

In suggesting to Cat that she check out Antonia’s story, I’m afraid I said:

Cat, for various reasons, I think you would enjoy Antonia Cornwell’s hobby of messing with people in sexy chatrooms. She invents several personae who then proceed to utterly discombobulate whatever hairy-handed sex pests are hanging around in the chatroom. I’ve provided a link below to her story about such escapades.


And so now you know, whether you wanted to or not, why the phrase “hairy-handed sex pest” is, for better or worse, now a part of my dysfunctional lexicon.


I feel much better now.

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