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This morning, as I was preparing to go down and plant some additional morning glories in my front flowerbed to fill in some bare patches, I caught this weasel-faced jackass dumping the ashtray from his car into said flowerbed.  

So, I did what any crotchety gardener would do and started shouting at him, something to the tune of “I see you dumping your butts in my flowers, you pathetic cockgobbler.  I’ve got your license plate number and if you don’t clean that shit up, I’m calling the cops.”

He did clean it up, while muttering about my general bitchiness and lack of pulchritude the whole time.  I gave not a single goddamn, considering that he was, in fact, cleaning up his stinking cigarette mess.

I ain’t got time for “get off my lawn.”  It’s straight insults and threats here.

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