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Audrey, don’t tell Mom, PLEASE! 

So, Monday night, I played Friz for a couple of hours, which got a little rowdy, and per expectation, I fell off my bike a few times, but I didn’t personally incur any major injuries. Actually, only one injury of note took place, when Static re-sprained his wrist. I bruised my left buttcheek in one crash, but that’s not exactly a debilitating injury.

Then, tonight, I went out to BuRP and rode the trails out there for the first time ever with Garrett, one of the Earthriders. Of course, I crashed plenty of times, including once, where I kind of bottomed out in a pothole of sorts and tipped over off the trail, into a bush and found myself upside-down, with the bike more or less still between my legs, my hands still on the handlebars. I had to heave the bike away and roll off the bush to get upright and going again. But for as much as I fell down, I didn’t really hurt myself. Oh, my left shoulder will probably be a little stiff tomorrow from one fairly magnificent dive roll I took into the weeds early on in the ride, but again, nothing significant.

I rode all the way out to Blue Ridge Parkway from downtown, rode the trails, and rode back into town, no problems, no problems. I figured I had it worked out pretty well…I’d probably pretty much bonk the moment I walked in my front door, so I could combine bonktime and bedtime and it would all be good.


I wasn’t banking on a bunch of punkass teenagers with nothing better to do with their time but hang around on a curb wielding an old computer keyboard to decide that I’d be the evening’s entertainment.

One kid clubbed me in the head with the keyboard. Luckily I was (as always) wearing my brainbucket, so it didn’t phase me…just surprised the hell out of me. I’d have thought it was just some rubbish hanging from a tree branch or something if, an instant later, another kid hadn’t leaped off the curb and tackled me off my bike.


I leapt up, hoppin’ mad, and started screaming and cussing, about what idiots they were and didn’t they feel big for shoving a woman, and I hoped they’d die of herpes.

When I came back up from the street cussin’, they upped and ran away, cackling. Little fuckers. I’d like to take the keyboard and shove it up all of their asses. At once.

Since I needed keyboards for Art, and the one kid dropped the keyboard he hit me with, I picked it up and took it home with me. It looks like they might have hit other people with it before they hit me. Fuckers dented my helmet, too, which royally pissed me off. This helmet’s less than a year old, and I quite liked it, too. It looked pretty with my road bike, and once in a while, I like to look pretty.

So, as souvenirs, I have a police report, a sore elbow, and a gratifyingly hamburgered knee, a busted-ass old computer keyboard, and a wrecked helmet.

Sheesh…here I go riding around at close quarters with a bunch of dudes, throwing frisbees around, and riding trails I’ve never seen before in my life, expecting to take away a few nicks, cuts, scrapes, and bruises for my trouble, and the only blood drawn comes two freakin’ blocks from my own house, at the hands of a half dozen socially retarded kids.

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