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Oh man, I have brainmeats problems.

A month or so ago I read an article online where this guy decided to try recipes or foodstuffs mentioned in The Simpsons.

I laughed myself silly, as you do. Especially over the notion of Corn Nog, which sounds really fucking disgusting. I mean! Almost as bad as fuzzy bread, a creamed corn omelet, some sausage and mayonaise soup, and a carton of milk that’s been left out in the sun all week.

If, like me, you are a little bit of kind of an idiot, you continue to mull over the logistics of Corn Nog and decide that perhaps it could be possible to invent a recipe for a sort of corn-centric, nog-based beverage option that could, if pressed, be called Corn Nog and maybe it could be consumed by right-thinking people who do not hate their own guts.

Speaking of…what is the base of nog? Be it rum or brandy? It is some sort of old-fashioned, sweet, spice-friendly boozage, but which one, I am not sure. Or is it more a whiskey-type of booze? I do not know, though if I were focused on more than telling you about my fantastically stupid ideas, I suppose I could ask Google (I almost typed Boozele) to tell me how to spike my nog.

Anyway, the day after I read about Corn Nog on the Internet, I was mulling it over and had to take a break at work so that I could jot down some rough ideas:

Obviously, this is a pretty rough draft, but I think I could maybe make this thing happen.

I tell you what. If I manage to make a functional, palatable Corn Nog, I will post about it here, with instructions and everything. I totally will.

Oh, and by the way, I amn’t drunk tonight. Just more crazy-go-nuts than usual.

I have also decided that tonight isn’t an “ain’t” night. It’s an “amn’t” night, a contraction of a negated auxiliary verb which is sadly underutilized in spoken English.

Sadly, I’m afraid “amn’t” may be my own, personal “fetch.”

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